Is it my Fault?
is something you have to talk about).
best friend touched you and when you said "no" he
didnt listen, or he thought "no" meant "yes".
Either way, he didnt stop and he left you, finally,
feeling dirtied, alone, ashamed and violated. A part of you even
feels guilty for what happened and confused because you cant
decide whos more to blame: you for going over to his house
to begin with or him for not stopping. Suddenly, it feels as though
everything is crashing down on you and life seems to be going so
wrong. Even if you didnt before, you cant stop crying
are, sadly, common to a lot of young people who have been abused
by someone they thought cared about them or sometimes by a complete
stranger who had no reason to hate them. I know what this feels
like and I know that when we have been raped or abused in other
ways, it feels sometimes as though youre living in a hazy
fog, somewhat set apart from everyone else. Can you ever begin to
heal and if so, how?
begin to heal. The first step is to look at yourself in the
mirror and say, "This was not my fault" and say it over
and over again until you begin to believe it because it is
true. There was nothing that you could have done to stop it and
there was nothing that you did to bring it about. I dont care
if you went alone to your boyfriends apartment and kissed
him. If you said, "no" and he didnt stop, then that
is his fault and not yours. It doesnt matter what you
wore, or what you said, or didnt say.
Rape is not
a crime of passion. In other words, the rapist isnt necessarily
attracted to you sexually. Instead, rape is about his needing to
feel in control of some situation and sadly that situation is often
sex. Many times the rapist has hostile feelings, in fact, toward
all women and studies show that most come from single mother homes
where the mother was domineering. Rape comes from problems that
he alone has, not you and the most important thing for you to realize
is that its not about you, you didnt do anything wrong and
the blame lies entirely with him.
it is a must. It is sometimes very difficult to do this because
we feel embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed. I was raped by a close
friend of my familys and it took me years to tell anyone that.
But, looking back, I realize so clearly now that silence leads only
to dire consequences and it is all the more painful to keep it hidden
You need to reach out and tell someone: you are not going to be
blamed: they will understand and they will help. There are lots
of people that you can go to: your school counselor, your youth
minister, your special teacher, your parents. There are also phone
numbers that you can call to talk with someone confidentially, if
you feel that you need to do that before you tell someone verbally.
The vital thing to remember, though, is that you cant begin
to heal until you tell someone. Pray about it and God will lead
you to the right person to tell. Writing in a journal can also help.
You are not
on your own. In the United States alone, did you know that 32%
(1 in 3) of girls will be sexually assaulted before they turn eighteen,
and 16% (1 in 6) of boys will be sexually assaulted before their
eighteenth birthday? 25% (1 in 4) of all women (in the United States)
will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. I know
that, right now, that seems like just numbers but what it means
is that there are probably several young people in your grade at
school who have been raped, too, or who are currently going through
the same thing that you are. Think about it, in every three girls
in your class, one will have been raped. You are not the only one
that feels degraded and ashamed, but survivors of abuse have nothing
to be ashamed of. Shame should only be something that we feel when
we have done something wrong, and if youve been abused, youve
done nothing wrong.
Rape is, in
my opinion, perhaps the worst crime that someone can commit upon
another person because of the emotional wounds it leaves. Sometimes,
once the other feelings wear off, survivors become angry and want
revenge against the person who assaulted them. Its natural
for this to happen, but just know that God says, in the Bible, that
He knows what has been done to you and He is even angrier about
it than you: He will not let the crime go unpunished. God will help
lead you to the people who can and want to help you through this
and who will show you what good relationships are supposed to be
Below are some
numbers to call, if you have been or are currently a victime of
States of America
1-800-615-HOPE (this number will connect you to the volunteer
center closest to you. RSAC will offer ten free sessions with
a licensed therapist for survivors of sexual abuse).
Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90
Rape Assault Line for Women: 03-6850041
Rape Assault Line for Men: 03-6850036
Information for Rape Victims: 0800 05 95 95
Rape Crisis Center 0334 91 6284
is one of the horrible things that happen to innocent people, but
I have decided to let my experience teach me how much strength I
really have. With the passage of time, I find the pain dulls a little