to do if you've had sex and are feeling guilty).
you messed up…
things went a little too far and now you're wondering what to do.
At a guess you're feeling pretty guilty, maybe wondering how to
talk to the person you did it with, and worrying about what people
will say. For the girls out there, you may even be scared that you'll
so what are you going to do? You can't continue like this forever,
so it's time to start sorting things out. Some of the first things
you need to worry about (apart from pregnancy and STDs) are your
relationships: we'll start with the one with the person you had
you've "done it" with someone, both of you will feel a bit weird.
You probably won't want to talk about it, or anything else. Maybe
you'll have taken some time apart, to cool off. When you next see
that person, make sure that you sort things out with them, face
to face. If necessary arrange to meet them, but don't just leave
things. You will both need to know how the other feels about you.
Do you think you love each other, was it just a one off…? Say sorry
to the other person: hey, you may have just been the one that made
them lose their virginity, which, even though society is trying
to decrease its value, is still worth a lot. Forgive the other person
for their part in things, (not easy). For a lot of you, the person
we're talking about will be a boyfriend/girlfriend who you love,
that you made a mistake with. So… part of sorting this out is determining
how you're not going to let it happen again. What are you going
to define is too far? Promise each other that you won't let it happen
have to build up trust in each other again, something which is very
difficult after you've made this kind of mistake… generally because
one of you will have started doing something pretty harmless, and
then the other did something else, and it just gradually went further
and further… who do you blame? Who started it? Now you just have
to put that behind you, and instead talk about how you're going
to stop it happening again.
the other person won't want to have anything more to do with you,
because they feel guilty when they see you and think about what
happened. If that's your situation then try and talk to them… call
them and see if you can meet up sometime. If they won't then you
need to sort yourself out.
it or not, there's a God out there, and he cares about you. It saddens
him to see that you've had sex out of marriage, but he still loves
you. Maybe you've been praying and don't seem to be getting anywhere.
Well, the first thing you need to do is say sorry to him. That is
something that will help you with how you feel. Read some of the
Bible… there's a great bit in Psalms (chapter 103): "He does not
treat us as our sins deserve… for as high as the heavens are above
the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as
the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions
from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord
has compassion on those who fear him." ("Sins" and "transgressions"
just mean the things you've done wrong. For God, sex out of marriage
is one). Don't worry, God hasn't forgotten about you, and he will
help you through this. Talk to him about it all, about your relationship
with this person, ask him what he wants you to do about it, and
he will answer you. One of the most important things about this
is that when you ask God to forgive you for what you've done, don't
do it while thinking at the back of your mind "we can do it another
time soon… I want to!". God isn't going to give you any answers
if you aren't truly sorry… so make a commitment to not do it again,
and ask God to help you keep to that: he will! He will get rid of
your guilt and the pain, and help you to know what to do.
maybe one of the hardest things is dealing with the people around
you. Should you tell your parents? What are they going to say? Scared?
I don't blame you. It really depends on how you get on with your
parents, and what you would normally tell them. If you tell them
everything and you have a very good relationship, then try to tell
them about it, because in the end they are the best people to support
you and help you through things. At first they may be angry with
you, but they'll calm down and understand. Other people don't feel
that they can tell their parents about it: that's fair enough. Just
make sure that you sort things out with your relationship with the
other person and God. Telling your parents is up to how comfortable
you feel about doing it. Having said that, if you think you've got
some kind of STD, or have got pregnant, then you need your parents'
help, so just tell them (it'll be better in the long run instead
of trying to hide things). See a doctor if you are worried about
either of these things, to check before you worry everyone too much.
you thought that the other person loved you… and now you've found
out that it was just because they wanted sex. That hurts. So break
off your relationship with them. Don't keep going not expecting
it not to happen again, because if all they or both of you want
is sex, then it'll happen, however much you may not want it to at
the moment. It is not a good idea for a Christian to go out with
a non-Christian, simply because you will both have different views
on a lot of things, including sex out of marriage. It's your decision,
but things will be very difficult, like you may end up having sex.
Stop that relationship (Matthew 5:30 "If your right hand causes
you to sin, then cut it off and throw it away from you"), and instead
trust in God to give you the person who is right for you, and to
help this other person become a Christian…it's important!
So, you messed up… but now you can clear up the
mess. Good luck, and remember: talk to God about it.