Overcoming
Shyness
(You
don't have to be an introvert!).
You
walk into a classroom, where you know no one at all and you
feel....shy... and different. You take a seat at your desk and throughout
the rest of the day, you keep your head bowed. Everyone says, "She's
so shy" or "He never talks to anyone" and eventually, you begin
to fear going to school because you're so "shy" and because you
don't really know how to interact with the other kids. Starting
a conversation terrifies you.
It's
a terrible feeling to have and it's even worse when you feel as
though there is nothing that you can do to help the situation. But
there is. Did you know that a lot of people are so shy that making
friends, or starting a conversation is simply too difficult to do,
so they give up trying and then they have to go through their lives
feeling alone?
But
you don't have to be one those people, no matter how shy you
think you are. In psychology, Ilearnt of a way that really does
help people overcome their shyness and be their true selves. In
fact, when I performed this experiment on a few very introverted
and shy people, I was amazed at how different one of the guys was,
after he'd gone through the steps. Many times, the reason for our
shyness is because we look at the whole picture, instead of taking
things one step at a time. The method below, the systematic desentisation
method, teaches you to go slowly and provides you with a comfortable
way of practicing doing the things that seem so impossible.
It's
very simple. All you do is get a piece of paper and find a very
comfortable place to sit. Imagine a situation that you find diffiuclt
to do: such as starting a conversation with a girl (in the case
of guys), that you like and list the steps leading up to that difficult
task from "least anxiety provoking" to "most anxiety
provoking". So, for example, your list may look something like
this:
- Getting ready
to go to school, where I know I have 1st period with her
(least anxious thought)
- Driving to
school (more anxious)
- Walking through
the halls to 1st period (anxious)
- Saying "good
morning" to her (most anxious)
Your
list may have more or fewer items than mine does, as long as it's
in the same order. Then, once you have made your list out, you relax.
This is very, very important. You have to completely relax, until
your breathing is slow and regular and you feel very comfortable.
Once you are totally relaxed, look at the first item on the list,
which, in this case, happens to be "Getting ready...". As vividly
as you possibly can, imagine yourself getting ready for school,
thinking about this girl that you like. Imagine yourself showering,
dressing, eating breakfast, and thinking whatever you usually think
about her. Whenever you become so anxious that you feel almost fear,
stop imagining, totally relax once more, and then start again, with
the same item, and again and again, until you are able to vividly
imagine yourself getting ready for school with no fear or hesitation
at all. Then go to number two and repeat the process, until you
are able to so vividly imagine yourself saying "good morning" to
her that you don't feel any fear at all. You will be amazed at how
comfortable you will be the next day, or the day after, when you
actually put your list into action; and you say good morning to
the girl you like.
Important
This method has the potential to be dangerous, since it is possible
to so vividly imagine something that you give yourself an anxiety
attack. For this reason, it's imperative that, whenever you're imagining
something and you feel very anxious, or fearful, that you STOP and
relax. Hardly no one is able to accomplish the method correctly
in one day; it is best if you work on it for about an hour or so
and then stop. You need to remain as relaxed and comfortable as
possible. The theory behind the process says that if you face your
fear, which in my case, was talking to that girl, enough times,
then your fear will go away. And it does work. But you need to do
it slowly and carefully.
A
lot of people think, "it's just shyness" and, "it's just who
I am" but I think that it's not really who you are. Shyness, in
my opinion, is based on fear: fear of being accepted, fear of being
made a fool of, etc., and all of us have those fears. It's just
that we deal with those fears in different ways: some of us write,
some of us mock our fears by using humor, and some of us become
"shy" and stray from people. But if the shyness makes you feel alone
or different, then you can overcome it. The method above
can help and so can prayer: I think a lot of us don't really pray
about our shyness, because we don't think it's that big a problem
or we think the problem is something else. So, pray about it and
you'll be amazed at what that alone can do.
I
have known people that were so shy they couldn't say, "hi" to
a teacher, but who, once they had become comfortable and confident
with themselves, were the most hiliarious, or intelligent people
I've ever met. You don't have to hide your thoughts and your personalities:
express it and friends will come to you. There are lots of people
in your world that are waiting to get to know you and have good,
strong friendships with you and when you take the courageous step
in overcoming your shyness, then you'll find some of the happiness
you're looking for.
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