[Spacer] [Spacer] [Spacer]

Thoughts of the Sexes
(including Touching: how far is too far?)

A lot of the time people get to know others of the opposite sex, and they don't seem to realise that they have different ways of thinking, different interpretations of an action, different emotional tendencies, and so on. Before I go any further, I will say that this is not meant in any way as a sexist article, but simply an honest portrayal of what I've seen and learnt. Both sexes have their good and bad points, as you'll see later on!

Guys tend to regarded by society as the strong, "macho", unfeeling element of a couple. In a sense, they are. Guys tend to be physically stronger than girls, and "tough". However, underneath the hard exterior is quite an emotional person too. Guys do have feelings, strong ones, but they don't show them outwardly as much as girls. If you (girls this is!), get to know a guy very well, you'll probably be surprised to find that he is a lot more emotional than you might think! Meanwhile, girls tend to have the image of being fragile and outwardly very emotional. Women do show their feelings much more, but that doesn't mean that they're any less strong emotionally. Girls are physically more fragile, but they are generally pretty strong too!

Girls: guys think about sex a lot more than you do, (this is in case you hadn't noticed already!). This isn't weird or obsessive, just a natural tendency of the male sex. Consequently, anything that can be related to sex will be commented on. Girls wearing tight clothing or miniskirts will tend to get looked at: not because they are necessarily beautiful, but because they emphasise their body… guys look. When you, girls, choose your clothing, just remember what guys will be thinking: it's not "you" they're looking at, but your body. Also, guys take any kind of touching much more "seriously" than girls do. If a guy is allowed by a girl to put his arm around her, it means to him that she likes him, whereas to her it's just being good friends. I'm not saying this is true in all cases, but as a general rule, girls, be careful what you let a guy do: don't give him the wrong signals. If you don't want him to do something, say so. Don't wait for him to do even more.

Guys: girls want to be loved. That doesn't mean sex. Love is about caring for each other and understanding each other. You can be a girl's emotional support when she's feeling down, but you can also hurt her much more easily than you could a guy, physically, but also emotionally. Don't try to be dominant, (and girls, don't let yourselves be dominated!), because relationships don't work that way. Don't expect a girl to conform with the "a woman should be in the kitchen" attitude, but instead show that you can cook, clean, and so on. Do things sometimes to show that you'll go out of your way for her… send her flowers, call her.

There is always the question "how far is too far?"… every couple needs to make their own decisions. At the workplace, people can sue for sexual harassment for any touching that is above the mid-forearm (only the arm can be touched). Obviously for a couple it will be different, but here are some thoughts…

  • No touching below the waist
  • Guys, no touching girls' chests
  • No hands underneath clothing, or undoing clothing
  • No kissing beneath the collarbone
  • No lying on each other.

Some couples would say that French kissing (as in with the tongue) is too far. That's up to each couple to decide. In the end you have to make up your mind as to when you know you're likely to not feel "OK" about what you're doing. As a Christian there are no concrete definitions of what too far is, but you will know in your heart what is too far for you. Keep within the boundaries you've set as a couple, because going beyond them you risk having full blown sex, which is definitely too far before marriage.